He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize