My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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