sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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