i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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