All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
