why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
