There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
