I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
