So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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