she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
