I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
