I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
