you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
