its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
