no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
