you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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