i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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