You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
