is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
