I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
