walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize