Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
