I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
