Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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