My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
is that a dick in a sweater?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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