She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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