she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize