So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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