I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
