I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's great music for shaving your balls
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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