Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize