im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
porn star boner night. come get it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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