We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
