My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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