I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my poor anus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
