I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
