if you like me you must not know who I am
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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