I'm so fucking centered right now
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
