That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
