Define "chronic" masturbator.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize