He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
