I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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