all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
