So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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