I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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