How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
