grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
