You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize