There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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