Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Let's paint friendship bongs
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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