sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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