I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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