I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
