So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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