I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize