South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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