yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
