I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
