you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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