I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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