my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
