Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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