so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
