You're my little dorito
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
