I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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