I wish my penis had an off switch
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
