U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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