Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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