it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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