who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
