Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
