Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
