There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
