Acid is not a monday night drug
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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