I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize