I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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