For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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