Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
