he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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