Kiss
Puke
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
