season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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