My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
one two three fourrrrnication!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
