so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize