I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
