***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
