i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
