You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
